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>>>Hangover Rating System
>>>One Star Hangover (*)
>>>No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively
>>>well However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel
>>>this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.
>>>
>>>Two Star Hangover (**)
>>>No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you
>>>have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is
>>>only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the
>>>fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some
>>>definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
>>>
>>>Three Star Hangover (***)
>>>Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive.
>>>Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the
>>>flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life
>>>would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy
>>>reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a
>>>diet Coke --- yet you haven't peed once.
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>>>Four Star Hangover (****)
>>>Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else
>>>you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and
>>>has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but
>>>that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. (For
>>>the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper
>>>cars.) Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts.
>>>Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits
>>>you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters
>>>the bathroom.
>>>
>>>Five Star Hangover (*****)
>>>You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the
>>>employee in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and
>>>making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your
>>>mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the
>>>poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your
>>>tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell
>>>the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to
>>>defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid
>>>with a rare "floater" thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater'
>>>seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds
>>>pretty good about right now...
>>>
>>>
>>>THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
>>>Indubitably
>>>Innovative
>>>Preliminary
>>>Proliferation
>>>Cinnamon
>>>
>>>THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
>>>Specificity
>>>British Constitution
>>>Passive-aggressive disorder
>>>Loquacious Transubstantiate
>>>
>>>THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
>>>Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
>>>Nope, no more booze for me.
>>>Sorry, but you're not really my type
>>>Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight
>>>Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing
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